I've changed. Throughout these past few months, I've been a few different people. Same me. Different perspectives. Something happened and I changed.
Summer this year was weird and by the end of it something happened that was really hard. It's still going on, and by day it gets harder. Things built up and I put myself down more and more. I was hurt. But all I did to myself was cut deeper.
I wandered. Away. From God. From people. From things that used to mean so much, now only meant so little. I thought I was lost... until I found out someone was still there when I thought I was alone.
Everyone makes mistakes, right? From the low times I took the mistakes that happened and made them my own. And when I made mistakes, all I did was make it worse. I convinced myself that I was worthless, unloved. I've felt so depressed, hopeless. I decided from all the junk going on that I was screwed. God was tired of me. That's what I thought. How could He work with me? All I was was a person who was not strong enough to protect myself.
I felt forgotten. I go to church every Sunday and I see amazing things happen. But then I look at myself - there was nothing amazing happening in me, in my life. God was doing great things in other people's lives, which is awesome :), but I felt like mine was forgotten.
Last night I went over to my friend's house to sing songs (also known as worship :)) and stuff. Some of the people there have gone up to Bethel Church up in Redding, CA and have experienced some AAAAMMMMMAAAAZING things (don't get me wrong! amazing!) so she wanted to share that with us, who are all the way down here. (yay!)
It was the first time in a long time I felt like things would be okay. It was the first time in a long time I felt truly focused on God. It was the first time I didn't feel forgotten. God was meeting up me and I didn't turn him down.
Though there is still a lot to be done in me. I've messed myself up, but now I know a new way.
So maybe I'm gonna make it after all. God can turn things around. Maybe you don't know where he stands in your life. Maybe it's seems like you're wandering away, but you're not lost. Search. Press harder. Because when you look for Him, he'll meet you there.
there is always hope for the hopeless.
there is always worth for the worthless.
there is always happiness for the unhappy.
there is always love for the unloved.