Thursday, January 12, 2012


We've all got our own story. Some started with good beginnings, some with difficult stuff. We've all been in dark places and we didn't even know it. Sometimes I'm not aware I've been going through depression, or pain, or am still upset about something I completely forgot about.

Sometimes I don't know why I'm sad.
Or feel unloved.
Or afraid of something that is pretty stupid.

Sometimes I don't understand why I see something and it triggers a memory,
or smell something and feel that moment from a long time ago.
Sometimes I don't know why I just start crying at night.
Sometimes I don't know why I start feeling an ache when I see a scene in a movie.

And sometimes, I have no idea why I start laughing on the freeway.

Go figure.

They make you laugh. They make you cry. They make you hurt. They make you smile. They're a part of you, a part of you that for some reason decided to hold on.
Why did you hold onto those memories? I'll be working on homework and then start laughing about something funny that somebody said. It makes life FUN. Thinking about funny moments, you know?

But then there are the bad ones that you remember. The ones that sometimes you're still emotional over. You're still hurt and you haven't been able to get over it yet.

And that's usually me.
I think about the past.
And it still hurts me.
But I never told anybody what was going on.
I didn't even understand it at the time.
But then it's now.
When I realize what things mean.
And now I have to deal with them.
It's hard.
So of course the first thing I want to do is ignore the whole dealio. Forget that it ever happened. Move on.

But it's the memories that I've held on to.
I can never get rid of them.
And so I'm going through something. But I hate telling anybody anything about it. I'm the sort of girl who wants you to be happy. If means that I'm not, I can deal with it on my own. I love to laugh, I love to smile, I love to feel good.

It's just when the door's closed, everyone's gone, and it's just me at the end of the day - it's where I remember my past. Remember that I've still got problems to solve.

Maybe you do too. Maybe you like to see a smile on a person's face, even when it's not your own. Maybe you don't want to deal with your problem because you're afraid you're going to hurt that person. Me too.

I've been realizing though that this is my story.
My life.
My decisions.
How do I want to live it?
I don't want to feel sorry for myself everyday.
Life still goes on.
Even when the past stops.
So look at how far you've come instead of how long you've still got to go. Embrace your emotions, but don't let them drown you. Embrace life because it doesn't last very long! Know that God's with you always even when you're not with him.

He knows who you are.
Your story.
Your life.
He knows your pain.
Your suffering.
He knows what makes you laugh.
He knows your beginning.
And he knows how it ends.
He loves you.


  1. I can relate to this so much!

  2. This is beautiful. I understand. For me, it's also hard to share my feelings and make myself vulnerable to others. Sometimes a memory will crop up and all I want to do is forget, forget, forget... but the more I think that, the more I remember. Maybe that means it's time to face the memories and then maybe they won't be so bad.

  3. I echo the comments above that this is a beautiful post. Memories are funny things, I can't help but think that those memories that can still remain so fresh...those are the memories that God is going to use in the lives of others that you have yet to even imagine. Those struggles that seem to take so long to see any victory? Those are the struggles that can, even in their raw-ness (probably not a word haha), can be a refreshment to another.

    Found you through Casey and am your newest follower. Pumped to follow along in your journey here!

  4. this post is absoulty amazing, found you through the link up! Newest follower here, can't wait to read all your post!

  5. Great reminder for my day. I loved this.

    Part of me blogging is to become more vulnerable. And more honest with myself.

    Loved this.

  6. This is an amazing post. I was reading through The Horse and His Boy (from the Chronicles of Narnia) with my boys and at one point Aslan tells Shasta the reason he's gone through all the pain is to get him to the place he is now. It really spoke to me. I have many regrets, but I don't know that I'd change anything because I love where I am now, even in the difficult moments, and changing my pasts means I wouldn't be here now.

  7. Beautiful commentary. I especially love your last quote about forgetting how far we've come. I run out of steam alot of times before I get to the end of my goal. I need to start celebrating my progress rather than getting lost in how much more I have left to go.

  8. Sweet sweet Emma!
    I love you girl. And I'm here for you. If you wanna talk or just know you're not alone.

  9. this was very beautiful!!!!! as a girl through this alot.. thanks!!! god bless

  10. This has been my favorite so far!!!!!!!! this was the first one i read and it impacted me so much..i was in my room feeling so sad, crying about the past and i search for "Christian quotes" and this pop up. it was a blessing i needed it..
    i recently got my heart broken and, as a girl, this put me through much hurt.. with the help of family and friends and most especially god i have had the strength to move on.. that's why i didn't understand why i was feeling down and into tears about this because i knew for a fact that i had moved one.... BUT.... a smell, a place, a picture, a SONG, bring back MEMORIES.. like you explain.. most of them brought sadness.. but..........this is my story!!!! my life... my experience.. and through every bad comes something good........!!!! memories are in the past.. and that is where they will stay.. i know i will continue to remember them but i know there is so much more in front of me..

    god has given my strength to look forward and look what i have over come!!!!!!



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