memories.

We've all got our own story. Some started with good beginnings, some with difficult stuff. We've all been in dark places and we didn't even know it. Sometimes I'm not aware I've been going through depression, or pain, or am still upset about something I completely forgot about.

Sometimes I don't know why I'm sad.

Or feel unloved.

Or afraid of something that is pretty stupid.

Sometimes I don't understand why I see something and it triggers a memory,

or smell something and feel that moment from a long time ago.

Sometimes I don't know why I just start crying at night.

Sometimes I don't know why I start feeling an ache when I see a scene in a movie.

And sometimes, I have no idea why I start laughing on the freeway.

Memories.

Go figure.

They make you laugh. They make you cry. They make you hurt. They make you smile. They're a part of you, a part of you that for some reason decided to hold on.

Why did you hold onto those memories? I'll be working on homework and then start laughing about something funny that somebody said. It makes life FUN. Thinking about funny moments, you know?


But then there are the bad ones that you remember. The ones that sometimes you're still emotional over. You're still hurt and you haven't been able to get over it yet.

And that's usually me.

I think about the past.

And it still hurts me.

But I never told anybody what was going on.

I didn't even understand it at the time.

But then it's now.

When I realize what things mean.

And now I have to deal with them.

It's hard.

So of course the first thing I want to do is ignore the whole dealio. Forget that it ever happened. Move on.

But it's the memories that I've held on to.

I can never get rid of them.

And so I'm going through something. But I hate telling anybody anything about it. I'm the sort of girl who wants you to be happy. If means that I'm not, I can deal with it on my own. I love to laugh, I love to smile, I love to feel good.

It's just when the door's closed, everyone's gone, and it's just me at the end of the day - it's where I remember my past. Remember that I've still got problems to solve.

Maybe you do too. Maybe you like to see a smile on a person's face, even when it's not your own. Maybe you don't want to deal with your problem because you're afraid you're going to hurt that person. Me too.

I've been realizing though that this is my story.

My life.

My decisions.

How do I want to live it?

I don't want to feel sorry for myself everyday.

Life still goes on.

Even when the past stops.

So look at how far you've come instead of how long you've still got to go. Embrace your emotions, but don't let them drown you. Embrace life because it doesn't last very long! Know that God's with you always even when you're not with him.

He knows who you are.

Your story.

Your life.

He knows your pain.

Your suffering.

He knows what makes you laugh.

Smile.

He knows your beginning.

And he knows how it ends.

He loves you.

emma